Flower Mart & Failure
I think I've always had an incredibly irrational fear of failure. It's not a fear of failing myself, but of failing others. What's tough about failing others is that you're never actually sure of what their expectations for you were in the first place. I used to do this with my parents all the time.
When I first transferred colleges, I remember being so scared of failing them. I worked hard all summer during double days for soccer and was so excited for my parents to drive down and see my play. Long story short, they drove the five hours down to LA for my game and I didn't play a single second. I was humiliated. I couldn't have imagined a more perfect way to fail them. After the game, I got in the car, tears welling up in my eyes, and apologized to them for waisting their time and money only to see me sit on the bench. My dad immediately turned around, looked me in the eyes, and said, "We are proud of you no matter what. We didn't expect you to play. We just came here to see you." In that moment, I had never felt more relieved.
One thing about failure is that there is redemption in it. It leaves room for God to show up and give us grace just like my father did that day. We aren't perfect and never will be. Quite honestly, trying to be perfect is a complete waste of time. Failing is part of the journey. Once you give up being perfect and pleasing everyone, then you can risk living life the way God intended. You can't have flowers without the rain and you can't have good days without the bad. If you never failed, then life would be easy- and nothing really great happens when everything is easy.